Over the next few days, I was able to come to terms with lots of things such as why I had reached out for new sexual experiences and now, Ted's unexpected bomb. The thing is, it clarified everything because I realized that what I had been looking for was more than just sex but someone different, more exciting than Ted. I was looking for someone to care for me as much as I cared for him. In fact, the quest I was on, was to find true love, something I never understood until then. POSTSCRIPT: After the divorce, I took a leave of absence from my sexual identity crisis and moved on with new insights. Brad, from the swingers party, called to tell me where to view his videos online. He wanted me to be in one but I had done enough video stuff with Helen. Brad finally gave up except to invite me to join him at the swingers home. I told him 'no'. Speaking of videos, Helen sent me a link to her favorite BDSM site and there it was! Hades had posted a fifteen minute video of me in his. She showed it at every opportunity and I admired and got crazy thinking about her breasts. She was sixteen but her breasts were really big and sexy. At every opportunity my hand touched her breasts, though it lasted for a second, as if happened unintentionally. She too waited for these accidents. Days and months passed remaining ourselves outwardly sister and brother but inwardly lovers. I masturbated fantasizing our lovemaking. One afternoon I found her sleeping in parents room. Mother was downstairs and father as well as brother were out. I sneaked into the room. Sat beside her on the bed. I was not able to take my eyes away from her breasts. Gazing at them I lost my control. I slightly touched her breast. She did not wake up. So I touched again. No response. Then I pressed her breast a little. This time her sleepy breathing stopped. She seemed stopped breathing. She began to breathe secretly. I waited for her response. She did not open her eyes. She was pretending sleep. I waited.
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